Vernika Decides to Die

Hello hiye,

Good Evening..!!

Sunday will be over in just few minutes and this time I have spent the whole weekend at home.. no no I have not become boring but its just that these days I am a lot into thinking / reading mode. A lot many things happening around and I am just trying to keep pace with them.

Last week, I finally got the opportunity to read Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho. I have been searching that book since long and finally when I got it in my office library, I was overwhelmed. It took me 4 days to finish the 200+ page story. How much do I long for more free time in office :(

Anyways, as always it’s just another master piece of Paulo. Hats off to him…!! Once again, I am deeply impressed with his writing skills. Sometimes I wander what exactly goes in his mind which makes him think such vivid thoughts and put them wonderfully in words. The book leaves a long lasting impression and I am still floating in those words.

The lead of Veronika Decides to Die, Veronika (so obvious) tries to commit suicide and as destiny would have it, she got escaped from death. This book talks about her life’s journey through the remaining days in a mental asylum. Her suicide attempt left her with a weak heart which can stop functioning any moment. Since she knows that she has only few days left, she does all that her heart desires, without thinking of after effects. She knows that she would not be there tomorrow to face the consequences, and hence she lives every moment to the fullest. She expresses her feelings, she smiles, she cries, she does all that she feels is right at the MOMENT.

The crux of the novel is that the closer we get to death, the more we realize life’s worth. We don’t value what we have till the time we are on the verge of losing it or we lose it. How ironically true..!!

I often wander why so? Why is it that we hide our true self? What stops us from expressing us? Is it the fear of rejection or the fear of not getting an expected reciprocation? Unfortunately, till now, no one could give me a satisfactory answer for this.

In any case, aren’t we the losers by keeping our thoughts, our true self to ourselves? No I am not just talking about that peculiar relation of a boy with a girl, it’s wrt each and every person we meet everyday. How often do we tell our parents that we love them, how many times do we tell our siblings that they matter, and do we say our friends that they are the reason behind our smiles. Have you ever told the cook that his culinary skills are behind your filled tummy and smile? Have you thanked your teachers that they made you what you are? Have you expressed your gratitude towards your boss, your team, your colleagues etc? Are you telling your friends that you miss them and those old days?

Do you always speak all that you feel or do you choose silence over the words that can make a difference?

Unfortunately the answers are not pleasing enough. :(

So lets make a pledge today, to speak all that we feel before it gets too late to speak. Lets forget what we should and what we shouldn’t. Our minds do not have the deem required to think. If our heart can feel it then we should be able to word them too.

Lets express our true inner self and lets make the day of everyone around us. Lets own their days, oops their moments and smile.


Don’t just smile but make others smile too..!!

Have a wonderful day ahead,

Cheers
AkankshA

Just Another Day..

Hello,

Good Evening..!!

Last few days I was so engrossed with code snippets, environment documents and other environs that I almost lost connection with my own self. I found myself lost in worldly desires and situations. I was stretching myself, in order to please everyone around. My actions were no more my own, but were influenced or shall I say commanded by people who mattered and even those who were just voyagers like me.

Mirror showed me a different image,
One that wasn't mine
Its eyes weren’t sparkling and face was dull as coal.

Signs of worries were embedded,
On its forehead
It did not even evinced my sense of extol.

How could that be my reflection?
For it isn’t smiling
Profusely flowing tears have spread its kohl.

It looks like a loser, about to shatter,
In its shroud
Someone who has rambled, without life’s goal

Is it my duplicate, yeah, must be
My look alike…
Or does this mirror reflects me my own soul.

The silent dark corners of my room got my stare during those sleepless nights. I was astonished at myself.

I asked myself, weather the passion to enjoy each moment diminished, died or is it just an illusionary moment? How can I actually become a puppet of surroundings? I am not just a soap bubble blown in the direction of wind about to be burst? I have always written my destiny and will always continue to do so. I am a rising sun and my dawn is bound to come tomorrow & ever & forever…

And it did came.... The cycle of dawn and dusks continue to come, the only differnce is i am a sun during dawn and moon during dusk.. I rise high, high, very high... yet to touch the pinnacle..

Life Is Beautiful…!!

Keep Smiling,
AkankshA

Bangaluru and me..

Hiyeeeeeee,

Well, i had been quite busy with work of late :( . I even travelled to bangalore for two weeks and no, i am not really happy about that. For a mice like me, staying away from family is like a fish staying away from water. But it was the demand of the hour and my work, so i had to agree and leave my dear delhi and my life, my family, my friends behind and fly to a new nest for few days.

Here comes my experience at Bangalore, which ironically was exactly opposite of what I had expected… May be because I had no time to roam around and see the actual bangaluru and all I saw were few software engineers, trying to get their bugs fixed..

BangalorE WitH my EyeS

In this silicon vally of india,

No one stops for rest and relief.

Everyone seems so engrossed,

I wander, when do they breath.

Concrete roads are fully loaded,

Audibility confines to horn's sound.

All i can see here is, these robotics,

Expressionless faces moving around.

People here are the busiest,

A smile is not free anymore.

Those elated moments of life,

Are lost in my days of yore.

Take me away from here,

For I have nothing left to do.

I am all alone here, with me,

My solitude has left me too.

This Bangalore trip is now buried down in my memory lane. And after being back to Delhi, with my family I feel resurrected.

Looking back at my trip today, i do miss some bits of bangalore in delhi. The amazing weather and the wonderfull empire juice shop of EGL food court have taken my heart away.

Also the solitude of bangalore gave me the oppurtunity to know myself better, To stop for a while and observe the surroundings, To live each moment with passion driven by heart. The small time slot left was enough for me to catch up few books and analyse the worldly situations too.

So just stay tuned for my views on my latest reading list. ..


Till then,
Keep Smiling
AkankshA

KASH....!!

Hi guys,

In GITA, Lord Krishna enlightened his disciple Arjuna with the deepest secret of living life:

“Karmanye Vadhikaraste, Ma Phaleshu Kadachana"

Perform the task at hand whole heartedly and do not anticipate the future.

But how many of us do actually implement this in our life? How many times do we live for the moment? How often do we get driven by our own selfish demeanor? How frequently do we succeed in separating our today from tomorrow’s shadow and enjoy the present.


Retrospection of our own past would exhibit occasions when our actions were dependent on desired future. Moments of life which we just survived through, instead of living this exquisite gift of GOD. Those are the times which bring KASH (“I wish”) in our life. Kash, we would have decided to live those moments as well, without worrying about future.


I always strive hard to preclude the existence of KASH in my life. I never regret. I strongly believe that Life is all about living and not surviving - to live each moment to the fullest and create memories to cherish forever. To touch the heart of everyone I meet and make their day by making them feel, how much special they are.


Let’s live life independent of past and future considerations. We don’t know what surprises tomorrow has in store for us - it could be as bad as the recession phase that we are going through or it could be as good as winning a jackpot. But we know what we can do today to make ourselves happy. So, do what you know and smile.

Lets LIVE in present and revel life..!!

A life lived in moments would eliminate Kash from your life. By choosing and living in present you will get all the happiness and peace that you have been looking for. We choose our present and bring good and bad times in it. No one can make you upset till the time you allow that person to have that effect on you. No one can hurt you until you yourself give him/her the privilege to do so. Similarly nothing can bring happiness in your life, until you feel happy with that. Those joyous moments of life are chosen and brought by you only. Quite strange but quite true.


We walk through the journey of life alone but give everyone a remote to operate us. To control our moods - to make us angry or happy or even to make us cry. How weird it is that - A stranger who just overtook your car wrongly, whom you have never seen before and whose name is also unknown to you can make you angry and spoil your day. Anyone and Everyone, who crosses your path, can treat you like a toy without any force. Think about it.


It’s your life and you get only one chance to live it. So just bury all the regrets (Kash’s) (if any) you have so far, and start afresh. Visit all the places you want, Learn all the things you desire, Meet all the people you like, Revive those lost friendships, Do all that you have been willing for, Listen to your Heart, Love your surroundings and above all Love Yourself. So that at any moment when you look back to your life, you can claim that you have lived as you wanted and you have NO Regrets in life..! Your have cherished the gift of almighty.

Always remember “I am WhaT I am & WhaT I WanT to BE”.


Another gem out of my poem’s diary ::

SMILE

When sorrow puts you down or evil comes your way,
When life looks gloomy and you get astray.


When you feel lament and have a thirst for tears,
Don't get disheartened and stop making blares.


These clouds of dismay if you want to hide,
Then just stretch your lips a little more wide.


Give a smile to yourself and the world around,
Feel the elation in you as well in surround.


Sorrows are dew drops and smile morning sun,
Power of light will surely make you stun.


So do smile my dear, today tomorrow and forever,
It will give you pleasure in your future endeavor.

Live your life without KASH..!!


EnjoY EacH MomenT & KeeP SmilinG

AkankshA

एक बार पुनः

Hi,


Today i was just browing through old mails, and found my old poems diary... thought about sharing it with you all....so here comes one pearl out of the ocean...


I wrote this poem when i was around 10-12 years old.... Saw almighty in dream one day and captured it in words.... for forever

एक बार पुनः

छाया था चहुँ ओर अँधेरा, जाने क्यूँ भय मुक्त थी मैं
खुली हुई थी पलकें मेरी यधपि, सुप्त थी मैं

पलकों की कतारों पर, जागी थी नीर प्यास
तोड़ हृदय की कैद को, घट घट मैं हुआ तेरा वास

तू ही आया नज़र मुझे, जहाँ भी गयी दृष्टी
तेरा साया लग रही थी, मुझको यह संपूर्ण सृष्टि

तेरी समक्षता का यकीन, दिया था दिल ने मुझे
अंतर्मन की रूह ने भी, महसूस किया था तुझे

अश्रू मोती नयन बंधन से, मुक्त हो गए बिखर
अधरों की मुस्कान ने, छूआ सर्वोच्च शिखर

शब्द नहीं थे लब पर, मगर चाह थी कहने की
थम गया था वक़्त भी वहीँ, छोड़ खूं बहने की

खूं - आदत /habit in urdu

तेरे समीप आयी थी मैं, अनेक प्रश्नों को लिए
गले लगी थी जब तेरे, मेरे आंसू धरा ने पिए

चूमा था मस्तक को तुने, देकर आर्शीवाद कई
वचन दिया था संग रहोगे, दिखाओगे राहें नयी

मगर अचानक हुआ यह क्या, उजाला उजाला छा गया
मिटाने इस अन्धकार को, शायद सूर्ये आ गया

सूर्ये के स्वागत हेतु मैंने, बिछा दी अपनी पलके
मगर यह क्या, क्यूँ फिर से यह नयन मेरे छलके

निगाहें गयीं हर दिशा में, मगर नज़र नहीं आया
तुझे तलाशा हर ओर मैंने, मगर कहीं नहीं पाया

शायद देख रही थी स्वपन , मैं जागती आँख से
छू रही थी आसमान को, पेड़ की शाख से

खवाब था हकीकत नहीं, अक्ल दोहराती रही
तनहा हैं राहें सभी, मुझको समझाती रही

मैं नहीं जानती खवाब था वो, या हकीकत का अर्श
है याद मुझे अब भी मगर, तेरा वो स्पर्शः

गर था वो खवाब कोई, तो क्यूँ है मुझको तेरा अहसास
और अगर थी वो हकीकत, तो क्यूँ नहीं तू मेरे पास

ऊतर इन प्रश्नों का मुझको

दिल ने बस यही दिया है,
एक बार पुनः तुमको पाकर
मैंने तो खो दिया है..

Have a gr8 day

&

Keep Smiling Alwayzzz

AkankshA

I aM nOt YouR FrIeNd IF......

Hi Guys,

Its SUNday evening, weekend is almost over.. :( Monday morning blues have started showing their existence...... uuanh somehow normal office-home routine does not inspire me anymore... need some change...

Well, All my friends were busy so spent the whole weekend at home, apart from drives in my white elephant(car dear :p) with mom ;) ... Finally, I also got time to tune my guitar, broke two of its strings and tried my hands at few chords as well.... long forgotten..

Today, I had an argument with a friend, & i ended up asking myself what exactly are friends to me and who exactly is my friend....

Here comes the reply for you all too......

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....
you have to think before you speak to me!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....
my presence ever makes you feel uncomfortable!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....
you have to thank me for everything i do for you!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....
you have to say sorry for everything that you don't do!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....
you have to ask me for favors!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....
you think i would not be curious to know your new philosophy of life!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....
you go by what i say and do not understand what i don't say!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....
you think that listening to your dreams would put me to sleep!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....
you think that seeing you in pain, would not bring a tear to me!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....
you think I do not remember the first time we met!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....
you don't see the thousand ways I try to make you happy!



KeeP Smiling Alwazzzzzzzz
AkankshA

WoRtH A LoT

Everyone must read this..... Its awesome and amazingly true.....

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question.... .. "What kind of man are you looking for?"

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and said :"Do you really want to know?"

Reluctantly, he said, "Yes."

She began to expound... As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself.

I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man. I am in the position to ask, "What can you bring to the table?"

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.

She quickly corrected his thought and stated,
"I am not referring to money. I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life."

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to
explain.

She said : " I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man. "

" I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked... believers
mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster. "

"I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don't need a financial burden either. "

"I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman , but strong enough to keep me grounded. "

"I am looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business.

I have no problem being submissive.. .he just has to be worthy. God made woman to be a helpmate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself."

When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there
with a puzzled look on his face.

He said, "You're asking a lot."

She replied, " I'm worth a lot."

Change

CHANGE, as people may call it or LIFE as I refer it to, has again proved its existence today. Things I chose to hide behind my self imposed boundary wall, have been graced with light now. The darkness which was my privilege to have has been cut into pieces by the aurora. I bow myself to the invisible. I anticipate this rued state of mind and heart as fugacious and importune him to sail me out. For, I am naïve, primitive as Norah and my ark is not ready to take the storm. I know this era is ceasing but my feet are stoned. The nervous system is sending inaudible messages and my beating heart is syncing along at some drum’s pace.

I don’t have courage to leave everything behind and cross to move forward. So here I am standing at the cliff of a falling era and wandering in which direction to abide, to fall or to fly. My shadow is dejected and is trying to escape from the light. I am alone to face this on my face and save my shadow.

Its too late to kibosh this and each passing moment is precious now. I have to take a decision; shall I evade, leaving everything I have, and fly for a new horizon or do I stay with me, my identity and my individuality?

The question is burning and i am left speechless........!!

My First Post

Hello,

Well, For me, first instance of each and every thing is truly special.. be it first meeting or first look or first smile.. for first impression is the last last impression....

Today is my first day with blogging, and i was confused thinking, what should be my first post.... Being a piscean and being poet, i thought i will give this moment to my recent poem..

I am ME

I am a free bird flying high,

not confined to any throne.

I don’t live in anyone’s dreams,

for I have a life of my own..

I always smile & feel ebullient,

for I don like tearful eyes.

I am the peaceful silence,

chucking out roars and cries ..

I am impish, me tender,

like twirling waves up and down.

I dodder with my dreams,

On roads of this cemented town..

(even i dint like this match :( can u suggest a better one)

At dawns, I shine like sun,

my dusks charm with moon.

Everyday is a great day for me

& each moment is a boon..

To all the worries & problems,

I show my big wide smile.

For the atrocities of life, I

request GOD to come for a while..

I am happy; I am alive,

though my life has no set goal.

For In this mortal world,

I live in my immortal soul ..

Have a Good day Folks,,,,

Cheers